He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster.
When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
(Nietzsche)
Monday
No fixed result
Taking another person's feeling into account means that we can avoid being accusatory or hostile. We can discuss things rationally and sensibly. The aim is not to find a solution or even to win. Rather, we simply want to explore the possibilities together.
A shared journey of discovery is far more productive than starting out with a fixed agenda. Who can say where the conversation may lead, or what unforeseen elements may emerge?
Non-violent communication
It is quite possible to communicate with other people without hostility and conflict. We can share ideas in an amiable way, even if we are in disagreement with one another. Emotional awareness and composure represent the key.
When your emotions are balanced and calm, you can think clearly and see more. You notice things and can respond intuitive and sensitively, rather than blundering around carelessly.Our choice of words can be well-chosen, without being false or manipulative. Zen/Tao might suggest that we respond with silence. This is not an invitation to be rude. It indicates that talk is not always necessary or beneficial.
Friday
Attitude
Being a considerate person makes life much easier. You notice other people, you pay attention to their moods, wants and needs. This does not entail any form of subservience or simpering. You are simply aware. In the here and now. Paying attention. Listening. It is surprising what you notice when you stop your internal narrative and look at what is going on around you.
You may see common ground between you and someone else. Your interests and agendas may not be all that different. Instead of fighting, you could simply talk. Do you need to win? Is it necessary to get your point across? Who cares if the other person does not understand? Instead of getting into a conflict, ask yourself: is there another option?Fear
Do you anticipate conflict in your everyday life? Do you live in fear? Is your fear genuine or are you just overly-sensitive?
The problem with fear is that much of it is imagined. People create their own problems by becoming anxious about everyday situations. They blow things out of proportion. They over-react.
Are you holding onto an image? Men puff up their chest and strut around like a rooster in an attempt to look 'hard'. This kind of behaviour is designed to intimidate would-be assailants. It only serves to make the individual look weak, fearful and insecure. It advertises their fear.
No lies. No excuses
It is easy to blame other people for conflict. People instinctively lash out and seek to blame someone else. Try being honest. No lies. No excuses.
Are you blameless? Have you played any small part in creating conflict or were you simply on the receiving end?
Be genuine about this. It is impossible to make progress if you deny the truth. Being sullen and resentful only perpetuates conflict. It is important to find the source of disharmony if you desire to move past it. Being willing to change is imperative.
Thursday
Listening
If we listen to other people, we realise that there are many sides to every situation. It is often possible to avoid conflict.
People do not care to listen these days. They are too busy talking. Too eager to promote their own agenda. Listening is a skill. It requires practice and patience.Disharmony
Conflict typically involves emotional turmoil, anxiety and stress. Is it worth the effort?
Many disagreements are exceptionally petty and essentially meaningless.
Consider: football fans will assault fans of an opposing team on sight.
For what reason?
If one team or the other wins, what difference does it make?
Is the world a better place?
Has a tyrannical despot been overthrown?
Did someone cure cancer?
Have the peoples of the Third World been fed?
When somebody seeks to argue with you, it is important to ask yourself what the contention is really about.
If the disagreement is pointless, is there any reason to get into conflict?
Pride, ego, insecurity, distemper - these are not adequate reason for conflict. They are just excuses.
Conflict
Conflict may occur when there is a disagreement between people. Contradictory values, priorities, beliefs and opinions create contention. Quite often a quarrel of some nature may occur.
Conflicts often involve:
Strong emotions
Fixed standpoint
Unwillingness to compromise
Limited perspective
Stubbornness
Lack of compassion
Raised voices
Verbal, emotional or physical violence
The opposition of ideas can lead to bitterness, hostility and a great deal of upset.
Wednesday
Endurance
Endurance is the capacity to withstand hardship. It is the ability to handle difficulty. To recover from trauma, injury and fatigue.
Stamina
Stamina is the ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort; to remain active for a long period of time without fatigue.
Balance
Tai chi students cultivate static balance to begin with. They then work through increasingly challenging forms of movement designed to improve dynamic balance.
Tuesday
Monday
Where is the class?
Community Hall, St Andrew's Church, Station Road, Benton, NE12 8AW.
Please enter via the car park.
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